My Life in a Frat House...

Before my daughter and even when she was a baby i cleaned regurally and my house always smelt of bleach and whatever yankee candles lastest scent was at that time. since she turned hmmm i would say 2 it looks as tho i live with 5 or 6 frat guys....and to say that i actually feel bad for saying "frat guys" because im sure their place is much cleaner than mine, but non the less thats my analogy for the purpose of this post. my once clean and tidy home has turned into a disgusting smelly shit hole. the dishes are never done, theres always some sort of remnants of her latest meal smeared across my floor, garbage is piled up, and toys are thrown through out the house as if she had flung them about in some fit of rage (which quite possibly may have been the case)i must wear socks because my feet often stick to the floor from god knows what thats spilt, and even when its stick free theres crumbs scattered about... by the time i go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and get back to my room it feels as though i have taken a long walk on the beach resulting in crunchy little tid bits between my toes ...did i also mention her hording yea well she hords everything from USED tissues to keys, coasters and even food....o how i love when i open her little kidskraft oven to find food that now looks like some small animal bc it is now covered in a thick white coat of fuzz....now when i find these items i usually use one of two phrases either A. "Are you kidding me?!?!" or B. "Who does this?!?!" The first is when im in utter shock of her maddness and the second when it dawns on me that i actually have to clean this shit up. And i often repeat the phrase several times as i gather my supplies and clean up the unfair mess..and i say unfair well simply because i did not create the mess...and because im a normal person who believes you clean up your own messes! Some messes i do allow her to but when i've reached a certain point of pissedoffness (yea thats a word) I say F*** it, it'll only make the end result (me cleaning again after her) worse....So i do it! Back to her hoarding...i find the strangest things in her bags, purses, kitchen, drawers, backpacks,and pockets...i once took her out with what i thought was a cute little purse..then this kid whipped out a _____ i didnt see it (she was in the stoller) until someone asked what she was playing with...a tampon..she was playing with, and chewing on a tampon. nice. She is also a kleptomaniac...after an outing at a friends of family members home i often find a new toy..picture..magnant..pen..or her favorite a coaster...yes i cant even tell you how many phones calls i've recieved and they always go like this "yea hi farrah..um i was just wondering...um by any chance did elle come home with my ____ i'm sure she was playing with it and forgot haha." me: "hahahah o yes that must have been it, i'll look for it and give you a call back." in my head: "no she's a damn klepto, god damnt not again...jesus! what the hell does she think her parents are bonny and clyde!" then my conversation with the klepto "hey L did your take ____s _____" "no" "you sure" ...no answer "hello i said did u take it?" "ugghhhh!!" she goes rummaging through her 45 bags ..."But i liked it!".....she often chucks the item at me or near me then runs away....Me: :yes hi ___ it's farrah...ive found your ____ must have gotten mixed up in her things haha." One day i believe i will be the proud owner of a smell free, crumb free, home...and all items in it will be mine..(not stolen) ...im gussing some where around 14 years or so...well one can dream....right? Love, Luck and Sticky Fingers- Farrah